Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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