remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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