he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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