margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize