Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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