You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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