Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
