i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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