Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(682): View more from Texas

nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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(786): View more from Florida

All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.

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(660): View more from Missouri

How did you make it to work sans hangover?

(816): View more from Missouri

4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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(206): View more from Washington

I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW

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(386): View more from Florida

I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me

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