So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
