oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
