nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need to calm my uterus...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
