He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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