is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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