im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
