I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
