Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
