Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
