did you get engaged???
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
