Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
