Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
