I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
