I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize