Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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