Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
