the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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