all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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