That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
