Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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