I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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