Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
