her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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