people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk is a universal language darling
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
