Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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