She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
