im about as happy as oj after his trial
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
