we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
someone get that fucking seahorse.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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