I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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