brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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