The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Come share oat with me in your robe
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
