When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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