If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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