i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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