I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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