so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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