Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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