I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
