If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
