I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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