Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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