the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
