is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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