cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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