so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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