could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
