i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
