it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
