Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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