You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
