Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
