He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
