the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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