nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize