I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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