Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
