hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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