so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
