You can't special order awesome
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were trust falling into bushes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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