Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize