Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
