no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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