I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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